I went back and forth about whether or not to share this and what to say.
Today is the day that I celebrate my birthday—December 7. I learned as an adult, there are many of us adoptees who have unknowns in our records. For me, this day is confusing and difficult at times. While I want to celebrate and eat great food (I get to choose and it’s always Asian)🥰, eat yummy dessert, spend time with family, I also get emotional and reminded that my life before 4-27-83 is a mystery.
Today is also the day Delaware became the first state, and somehow I connect the two and tell myself there is a purpose and a reason why I am here!
As I grow older, I wonder what fears and subconscious feelings transpired as a result of this night. How was my behavior transformed by this event? How do I foster self-love, self-healing, and moving forward in spite of these unanswered questions and deep wounds?
I never had the words until now to really understand how this trauma has affected me and those around me. I subconsciously never thought I was worthy of love so I pushed people away and built walls for protection. Perhaps I need to build a fence with a gate, and not a brick wall that is 20 feet high…
I choose to work through this, and fight for peace, love, and joy in my heart. I choose to focus on the blessings and wonderful things and people I have in my life today—my family. My friends that I’ve made. These are my true birthday gifts and I am thankful for you all. #loveheals
Thank you for reading…